Lonely I think

I have never done any kind of blog before, and I guess it's just a bunch of rambling on my part, but I think it will be good for me to put on words things that fill my mind.

Lonely...The word itself makes me feel, well...Lonely. Lol   I'm not sure how I can be lonely when I have friends and family who would do anything for me, and would see me if I would make the time to see them. I've gotten myself in such a rutt that I don't know how to get out. So my lonliness is solely my fault. Trust issues I don't blame on myself. I blame it on others who took advantage of me, and stole my happy. I am tired of investing time and energy in people who could care less if I spoke to them again or not. Or thinking something is good, and turns out to just be something awful. I guess you have to fall down to learn, but I feel like I have fallen enough. I am ready to be stable and happy for longer than a week. I once had high hopes for myself, and things that I wanted to accomplish in life. I wanted (want) to do great things,

I guess I just hate where I am in life right now, I hate my job, I hate that I am not in school, I hate that I've pushed good people away, just hate. I want to pack my things, jump in my car and just drive until I run out of gas, money, and sanity. But my OCD and own fears won't allow me to do that, but I think that would be such a good thing for me. To just get away and experience, something other than what I am going through right now.

My health is good right now, Doctor is happy with where I am, and so am I. I've worked hard to keep that in check, and to make sure I live long enough to accomplish the things that may or may not happen. It's a great great thing and I am so proud!

My life is not all bad, and I know that. Alot of the bad I bring upon myself. Just wish things could be a little easier. Wish people would invest a little time in me. These bad feelings, and depression will go away, Just feeling down, but I am sure I will be back up again soon. Anxious is who I am, 24/7 lol